Last week my wife and I had a rare day off together. We sat in our living room sipping coffee when a strange noise caught our attention.
“What’s that noise?” my wife asked.
“I think the trash barrels blew over,” I said.
The noise sounded again.
“It’s coming from the fireplace,” my wife said.
“No, it’s just the wind,” I said.
“It’s coming from the flue,” my wife said.
I muted the television volume and we both listened for the origin of the perplexing sound. Our two cats joined our silent listening party. They sat with their attention focused on the fireplace like children awaiting Santa’s arrival.
There was a definite rustling in the chimney flue, echoing into the fireplace. I turned the lever to open the flue to investigate further. The flapping sound started and stopped. It sounded to me like an injured bird trapped in the chimney. The question was how to get it out of there.
I turned to the all-knowing internet for guidance. My wife Googled “how to get a bird out of a chimney” and sure enough the answer magically appeared.
The solution was simple. Turn on a flashlight and leave it inside the fireplace with the flue open. The bird will eventually head towards the light. I closed the fireplace screen and waited to see it this easy internet tip worked. I envisioned the scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s film The Birds, where a massive storm of winged creatures explode into a home by way of the chimney.
Within minutes, we heard a flapping of wings. A bird came down the chimney and landed in my fireplace. Unfortunately, that was the end of the internet tips. I had to figure out what to do next.
I was expecting a broken-winged sparrow to flop into the corner, waiting for me to scoop it up in a shoebox and bring it outside so it could recuperate in the wild. Instead, I got a raving mad medium-sized North American Starling with an attitude problem.
The angry bird crashed around the inside of my fireplace looking for a way out. It latched onto the fireplace screen and shook it with its sharp talons. It pecked violently with its razor-like beak. Its piercing black eyes sent a message to me – and it was not a friendly hello.
“Just throw a towel on it and carry it outside,” my wife said.
Easier said than done. I cautiously opened the fireplace screen and quickly tossed an old bath towel into the fireplace, completely missing the bird.
“What are you doing? Are you afraid of a bird?” my wife asked.
“No. I’m afraid you’re going to freak out if it gets loose inside the house. Remember the mouse incident of 1998?” I said, trying to deflect the question back to her.
I tried throwing another towel in the fireplace, but the bird was moving too fast.
I had a business card on the refrigerator from a local pest control service. This wild bird definitely qualified as a pest. I called the number and the service said they could send someone right over. I thought the price was steep – $125 per bird for removal – but it was worth it to end this siege.
The exterminator showed up promptly and assessed the situation. He was oddly bird-like in his own way – he had a nest of straw colored hair, a large pointed beak of a nose, and nervous, darting eyes. He wore protective glasses and gloves. He asked if he could use the towel I had thrown in the fireplace to grab the bird. For $125 he could have at least brought a net of his own. He asked me to open the front door and stand clear while he trapped the starling in the towel and ran to the front porch to release the angry bird into the wild.
He checked the flue (with my flashlight) and said, “You’ve got another one up there.”
Upon my recommendation, he used the internet flashlight trick to coax a second bird out of the flue.
“I hope there aren't any others up there,” he said.
“I hope not either. At $125 a bird, I can’t afford any more,” I said. I was going to ask for a discount since he used my towel and my flashlight, but I didn’t want to press the issue.
My wife was happy with the results. She wanted the birds treated humanely so they weren’t injured in their relocation back to the outside world (although I still think my Duraflame log solution would have been a heck of a lot cheaper).
1 comment:
While your exterminator could have done a better job if he had his own tools, at least he was able to get rid of the two birds that were trapped in your chimney. That second undetected bird could've sprung up at night or when you least suspect it, so it's great that he spotted that. Let's just hope you don't have to deal with birds or any other pests in the chimney later on!
Alta Peng @ Liberty Pest, Inc.
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