Frozen

     

STAINED GLASS: Looking out my front door

I never have to worry about writer’s block while living in New England. People love talking about the weather in our little neck of the global woods. And this winter there’s so much to talk about.

     January 2015 was cold, but that's to be expected. Nothing unusual happened on the weather front other than we almost made it through the entire month without any significant snowfall. At the end of the month, the snow finally arrived. Boy did it ever. And now there is no end in sight.

     The January 27th blizzard dumped around 25 inches of snow on Stoneham. At work, I was already on the schedule for vacation days on Monday and Tuesday. My timing couldn't have been better. With the state-of-emergency travel ban in place, I wasn’t going anywhere anyway. Like everyone else that day, I spent most of my free time shoveling and clearing snow. It was hard work but by Wednesday life was more or less back to normal. Okay, less. But somehow we survived.

     One week later, another storm struck and another foot of snow blanketed our area. When added to the previous accumulation, the amount was staggering. I took a rare spontaneous vacation day to enjoy more shovel-time with my wife. I wish I could say we had fun. Not even close. The pressure may have been dropping in the atmosphere but it was skyrocketing in my driveway. Just ask the neighbors.

     Snow removal is an enormously difficult challenge, for homeowners as well as the DPW. Driving through town feels like training for an olympic luge event. Nosing my car out of a corner side street is a complete game of chance. I call it Extreme Whack-A-Mole. The record breaking, back breaking snowfall has taken its toll on everyone. People are exhausted before they arrive at work. Everyone looks strung out and defeated. At least the Patriot’s Super Bowl victory gave us something positive to focus on for a few moments.

     I just heard the extended forecast and there's more snow coming. It is winter, so I’m not surprised. I have a few choice words for Mother Nature 2015, besides “relentless” and “vicious”, but I’ll keep them to myself so as not to disturb the weather gods. I don't want to make them any more angry than they already are. I’ve gotten used to trudging through the snowdrifts, tiptoeing on black ice, and layering my clothes to combat the arctic wind chill. Hearty New Englander? More like Apocalypse Survivor. That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so call me Superman. Maybe that’s just my white-out delirium talking.

     Winter 2015 continues to stomp its way toward the ever elusive spring season. Spring is under a lot of pressure this year to be extra-spectacular – or else. For now, I'm living in the moment. I’m happy my home has a full tank of heating oil, some Duraflame logs, and electricity to make the harsh winter days and nights comfortable (or at least bearable). Give me a hot cup of tea and a computer keyboard and I’m a happy camper. The temperature may be sub-zero outside, but it's warm inside sitting by the glow of my laptop fueled by the fire of my imagination.

It's a Tie

Knot's Landing...

Last month when I opened my Christmas gift from my sister-in-law and her husband, I was expecting a wallet. I’m a good gift-guesser, which infuriates my family. Inside the box, instead of a wallet, I found something unique that forever changed my life. A real bow tie!

I was last seen wearing a bow tie in my kindergarten graduation photo, and that one was a clip on. The bow tie I received this year is the real deal. It was love at first sight. Black and white, reversible patterns, – a perfect match for most of my wardrobe. There was only one problem. I never tied a bow tie in my life.

How hard could it be? My father taught me the proper way to tie a neck tie when I was a youngster. And not just a regular knot, a majestic Windsor knot. The kind of knot that sends a message. Thanks, Dad!

Without my father here to share any bow tie knowledge he may have had, I consulted the next best thing – the Internet. Google has the answer to everything. I searched “how to tie a bow tie” and eagerly awaited the results. The search found more information than I could ever use. There were charts and graphs galore, but I thought a YouTube video would be the best place to start.

I sat at my computer, bow tie in hand, and watched the first video. I rewound the instructions several times, but I couldn’t get past step two. Twenty minutes later, I Googled “easy-way-to-tie-a-bow tie”. The videos that surfaced were similar to the first ones, equally confusing and frustrating. One demonstrator suggested, “It’s like tying your shoe.” (It's not). Another instructor shared a tip: practice tying the bow tie around your leg until you get the hang of it. That’s fine if you like the 1982 Joanie-Loves-Chachi “leg bandana” look. After spending forty nonproductive minutes in front of the mirror, I gave up for the night.

I took my bow tie with me to work the next day, determined to wear it. I consulted a bow tied co-worker who moonlights as a cellist for the Cambridge Symphony Orchestra. I knew he’d have some helpful hints. He shed some light on the mystery of tying the knot. I headed to the rest room hoping it was empty so I could have the mirror to myself. In the privacy of the fluorescent lit bathroom, I tried to remember all the steps I learned to appropriately tie this accoutrement around my neck. I tied and re-tied without success.

On my last attempt, something clicked. Instead of looping right, I looped left. I found success by overlapping and underlapping in the opposite direction. Tying the bow backwards in the mirror was a real brain teaser. Just when the bow looked almost perfect, I pulled the wrong end and all my hard work unravelled. I was running out of time and patience. I headed back to my desk with the tie hanging around my neck like a wet noodle.

At the entrance to my department, I ran into two co-workers, Shirley and Natalie, who were leaving for a sales call. They commented on my unstrung tie. I couldn’t hide the frustration on my face.

“I almost had it. I can’t get past the last step. Watch this,” I said as I proceeded to demonstrate how to tie the tie. I flipped the fabric around, up, over and down, back up and...oh so close. I held the pieces in place as the two women tried to analyze the knot situation.

“This end needs to go to point A and this end needs to go to point B,” I said.

“It’s like tying a ribbon,” Shirley said as she took one end and tucked it through the loop in the back of the tie. Natalie pulled the end through and looped it behind the other end to form a bow.

“It almost looks like a bow tie now,” Natalie said. Almost being the key word.

I thanked them and did a u-turn back to the rest room to do some fine-tuning. My bow tie was complete and it only took three people!

My tie received a few compliments as the day progressed. I like the look, although it seems too high-maintenance for everyday wear. I suppose the more I practice, the better and faster I’ll get at it. I need to buy a few more so I can introduce them into my everyday wardrobe.

I’d love to adopt the bow tie as my signature look although I’m afraid of the separated at birth comparisons that might pop up between me and Orville Redenbacher. And the Pee Wee Herman references I could do without.

For now, I’ll occasionally tie one on to mix things up in the wardrobe department. Who says men’s fashion can’t be fun? Not us risk takers. Once I get good at constructing the perfect bow tie, they’ll be no stopping me. It’s just knot going to happen any time soon.